Contact Us
Got a case to report? Or just want to say hi?
Furry Hotline
1-800-FURRY-911
(Available 24/7. Squirrel operators may require translation.)
File a Report
Witnessed suspicious activity? Please include:
- The forest region where it occurred
- The species involved (if identifiable)
- A detailed incident description
- Any physical evidence photos (paw prints, fur samples, etc.)
Note: "My cat knocked over a plant pot" is outside F.A.B.I. jurisdiction.
However, if something strange is growing in that pot, that's another matter.
Headquarters
The Great Oak, 3rd Floor 42 Acorn Avenue, Central Forest District ZIP: WOOF-0042Visitors must schedule appointments in advance. Please do not bring: tennis ball launchers, bone-shaped rubber toys, or anything that makes a "squeaky" sound.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is F.A.B.I. a real government agency?
We're as real as any other government agency—except our office is in a tree and our staff have tails. Draw your own conclusions.
How can I become an F.A.B.I. agent?
Candidates must pass rigorous scent tracking tests, paw print analysis certification, and the "stay in a tree all day without falling asleep" challenge. Currently accepting only applicants with furry qualifications.
Do you accept interns?
Yes. However, please note that intern duties primarily involve organizing the fur database and fetching snacks for senior agents.
Why is your domain .moe?
Because we're very moe. Next question.